


Chasing Cars

by MadeinCydonia



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Rush (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, F/M, I don't know what I'm doing, I promise there's plot somewhere, M/M, Oral Sex, Slow Build, and mandatory desk sex, mandatory teacher/student au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2017-12-31 06:54:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1028616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadeinCydonia/pseuds/MadeinCydonia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I know that you're a boring teacher who despises his stupid wife whom he hasn't touched in the last decade and who's greatest source of enjoyment is bullying students who hate him. You've got a shitty car and awful teeth and a stupid accent and you've got nothing to teach me about driving. Or about looks, for that matter.”</p><p> </p><p>This work has been translated in Chinese <a href="http://www.mtslash.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=103385&page=1">here</a> by the lovely <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/wenBunny/pseuds/wenBunny">WenBunny</a> !</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Monday, October 7th

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooooooo hello I'm back. This first chapter is a little short but I just wanted to get this out of my head and post something before I change my mind and work on something else. Things will go deeper (in everything way) soon.
> 
> Titles and lyrics from "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol.
> 
> I own nothing, this is a work of fiction.

 

  
_We'll do it all._  
 _Everything._  
 _On our own._

***

 

The class is supposed to start at 10 am but the teacher is already there at 9:45, already asking – well urging really – the students to sit down and stop making noise, and writing at the same time his name on the blackboard.

 

“As you can, I hope, read, my name is Mr Lauda. As you are, I hope, aware, I am your maths teacher. You will fill out those questionnaires, and I'll pick them up in a few minutes. Those are just a few questions about yourself so I can know who you are, what you like to do when you're not stuck here, and how good you are with maths. You'd better be good because I'm not a patient man. And I just realise I don't really care about what you do in your spare time so you can skip that one.”

 

“Well that's a hell of a way of starting a class” whispers James to his neighbour who smiles lightly. “This one seems to be a giant pain in the arse”. The boy sitting next to him chuckles a bit loudly this time, which earns him a deadly glare from the teacher. After a moment of silence, broken only by the scratches of pens on paper, James turns to his friend again with a mischievous smile “Hey Ronnie, pass it on, we are all writing “sex” at questions 6 about the pastime thing. Girls can write “sex with James””.

 

“Mister blond hair, nobody cares about what you're saying so you better hurry and finish the quiz. I want them all on my desk in two minutes so we can start doing _actual_ work.” The teacher's comment only leads everyone to write exactly what James has suggested. Five minutes later, half the class has put "sex" at question 6, a few girls and boys even writing “sex with James”. A beautiful brunette (name's Suzy, James learns later) picks up the quizzes and hands them back to Lauda.

 

“Right. For this first semester, we'll study mainly probabilities. I hope you're familiar with the basic concepts because I really don't have the time to go through the classic formulas. It's a very important part of mathematics and can help you in everyday life so you'd better pay attention.”

 

Despite Lauda's icy tone, it is obvious to everyone that he is way more comfortable talking about probabilities than he is at doing small talk. Niki's face has relaxed and a small smile is even playing on his lips when he starts writing figures on the blackboard. Unable to stay silent for more that five minutes, James whispers – a bit too loudly – to Ronnie “do you think he thinks about probabilities when he wanks too?” The five boys sitting next to him who hear the comment start to giggle but are quickly cut off when Lauda turns around and scowls annoyingly at them.

 

“While your interest in my sexual life is quite flattering, I'd appreciate it if you would refrain from commenting it in class. Or, you know, ever. Actually I'd like it if you would refrain from commenting anything at all in this class, Mr Hunt.”

 

Eyes wide open, James wonders 1) how does the teacher knew he was the one talking 2) how does the teacher knows his name 3) more importantly _h_ _ow dare he talk_ _to_ _me like that?_ He opens his mouth to respond but Ronnie hits him in the ribs and mouths “leave it”. When James turns back to the blackboard, Lauda is writing formulas and talking nonsense, like nothing happened. Like he hasn't just humiliated James in front of the class.

 

Thirty minutes later, the class is ending but James is still sulking, hasn't listened to a word of the lesson. Instead he has started a staring contest with Suzy who is currently trying to distract him by taking suggestive poses and pulling faces. Lauda finally allows them to leave the class with, of course, a two-pages long exercise to do for the next class. He also states quite clearly that if Mrs Suzy Miller is here to act like a groupie, she might as well never comes back. Her girlfriends and her look deeply offended but none of them dare talking back. While the students tidy up their things, Niki takes a look at the quizzes. He has already noticed that most students have written “sex” at question 6, some of the girls and a couple of boys even added “with James” at the end. Niki would have dismissed it as a stupid and immature joke, but one thing catches his attention. (In)famous James hadn't contributed to the great joke although Niki was quite sure he was the one who instigated it. No, he hadn't written “sex” or any variant, he had just written “driving”. Interesting. Either the boy is not as stupid as he looks and is quite a good manipulator too, either he just thinks himself better than anyone else and wanted to show off. Niki feels the need to check his assumptions immediately.

 

“Hunt. You stay.” Hearing his name, James sighs, pulls a face at the group of laughing boys gathered around him and turns to face the teacher who is organising papers on his desk. James watches him a few minutes before running out of patience and asks “You wanted to see me, _S_ _ir_?” with his best unctuous smile. Niki takes his time to look up at him – James _is_ quite tall and Niki's sitting – and eyes him for a while.

 

“Yes. You like driving. Explain.”

 

“I thought you didn't care about our spare times.” Niki doesn't answer, keeps staring at James. The more he looks, the more he understands the “sex with James” part. James sighs and finally decides the faster he will talk, the faster he will be out of here.

 

“I like driving. Fast. I like the speed, I like the adrenaline, I like crossing path with death every now and then. Can I go now?”

 

“You don't have what it takes to drive.”

 

“You're one to talk. I saw you on the parking lot this morning. Your car is probably worth even less than what the poorest students here can afford”

 

“So obviously, you know nothing about car either.” Niki laughs dryly. “Despite what you seem to believe, it's not all about looks, you know. Driving. Or living, for that matter.”

 

“I know that you're a boring teacher who despises his stupid wife whom he hasn't touched in the last decade and who's greatest source of enjoyment is bullying students who hate him. You've got a shitty car and awful teeth and a stupid accent and you've got nothing to teach me about driving. Or about looks, for that matter.” Boiling over with rage, James leaves the room, not waiting for Niki to dismiss him. He kicks the waste-basket on his way out and clearly hears Niki calling him a “fucking pretentious arsehole” before slamming the door.  


	2. Friday, October 11th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your... your wife? You're kidding right? How can a woman like her be with someone like you? No offence old man, but she's just stunning and you're there, talking rubbish and statistics and flirting with your student so...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yey chapter two. Sorry for the delay but uni is a bitch and I feel like I've spent ages editing this... I wanted to post it yesterday because full motivation but um... No I've no excuses.
> 
> I don't owe anything, this is a work of total fiction. By the way, it takes place in 1976, James is 21 and Niki is 27. I don't know much about English uni at this time so I kinda invented my own system.
> 
> This is still unbeta-ed (if anyone is interested let me know!), all mistakes are mine.

Chapter 2 : Friday, October 11th 

 

 

 

_We don't need_

_Anything_

_Or anyone_

 

 

***

 

At 21 years old, James Hunt is not a new comer at university, quite the opposite actually. It is his third year there, in old boring Surrey. Mind you, it is also his third first year. After a year “studying” English literature and another “learning” about anthropology or something equally not interesting, he is now apparently a med student. Maybe. He has a lot of classes concerning medical stuff at any rate. The only classes he likes and is actually willing to go to are those about human bodies, because he's dearly interested in actual human bodies and the pleasure he can give and take from said bodies, and PE because he can wander half naked in the girls changing room. However, he hates maths; the teacher is a dick.

 

James is not the kind of person who easily dislikes other people, nor is he often disliked. More often that not, he makes friends everywhere he goes and can seduce every person he wants with a bright smile and a witty comment. James likes those gangs that wander around in leather jackets and black motorbikes, he likes the loners who eat their meals alone on wet benches, he likes the popular girls wearing short skirts pigtails, he likes the nerds who spend more time reading than talking, he likes his small group of friends. And everyone likes him. The only persons James really can't stand are those who think they have some kind of authority over him and thus, think they can tell him what he can and cannot do. Hence, his father, the dean – a dickhead nicknamed Enzo because of his exasperating Italian accent, who seems to have made it his life's goal to piss James off – and that new maths teacher. James has usually no problem getting on with teachers, most of the time. Some may even say that he is a bit too friendly even, especially with the female teachers. This days, James couldn't tell you much about the teachers though, since he doesn't really go to classes. Especially if they are too early in the morning or too close to lunch times or if he's busy smoking pot or snogging girls or stealing cars to ruin them on his way to greatness and maximal speed.

 

It's not that he hates Lauda, not really, it's just that he's so _annoying_.

 

***

 

Niki Lauda has never dreamt of being a teacher. Well, to be honest, Niki doesn't _dream_ of doing or being things, he just _does_ them. But being a teacher, he had never really considered it until he actually had to make a living. He has never been good with people, has no patience and little respect for hierarchy or manners. But he is _good._ Every little thing that catches his attention, he learns everything he can about it until he masters it completely. He could excel at whatever field he picked. So he learnt maths, became really good at it, and was offered a job as a teacher. He accepted and regretted it approximately seventeen seconds after he started. Trying to teach the beauty of numbers to a bunch of unruly teenagers was like teaching chickens to use a lawnmower. The students were unable to focus more than five minutes and seemed to be so overwhelmed by hormones that all they have in mind is _sex_. It was all so boring. Niki thought what with working in a university and all, he would find some interesting people to interact with, teachers or students, but so far no one was worth his interest or time. The only interesting thing that has happened that first day is the altercation with the blonde playboy, Hunt. Sadly, the kid looks more annoying than interesting. Even if there is the _driving thing_ , Hunt is probably nothing more than another stupid pretty boy who thinks the only use of a beautiful car is getting chicks. Which is weird because Niki is quite sure Hunt doesn't really need a beautiful car to get all the girls he likes.

 

Niki leaves his office at 6 pm with a small smile playing on his lips. Hunt isn't the sort of guy who spends his free time alone in his small flat or working at the library, no, he would rather be hanging out with his mates. Since the dirty school parking lot seems to be some sort of meeting place for pseudo-rebels, Niki rather hopes they are hanging around said parking lot, _right now_. Marlene is supposed to meet him there and he'd quite like to teach a lesson in pride to Hunt. Niki doesn't find it weird he's spending that much time thinking about a single student and plotting a useless revenge. No problem.

 

As he has hoped, Marlene is waiting for him by his car, smoking a cigarette. She smiles brightly when she sees him and kisses him lightly on the lips. As he has also planed, Hunt is standing in a corner of the small parking lot, drinking beer with three boys, a girl hanging in his arms. Typical. Hunt lights a cigarette, notices him and looks directly in his eyes with a challenging glance. Niki nods slightly and puts a hand possessively around Marlene's waist. If she's surprised by this sudden display of affection, she doesn't show it. However, she notices that Niki is not looking at her but at a group of boys standing 50 meters away from them. She frowns but doesn't comment on it and frees herself from Niki's embrace to get in Niki's car.

 

Now, to James' defence, Niki's car really doesn't look like much. It probably would have been considered fashion a decade or two ago, but now the bright red colour has faded and looks lightly brownish. You would think it was at best a second-hand car. That said, the car's look doesn't bother Niki at all. He likes to think his car and he are alike; not much to say about the exterior, but an enormous potential inside. He sits down on the driver seat and starts the car. He marvels at the engine's sound, such a sweet melody to his ears. He lowers his glance to look at James again. The blonde turns to look at him as Niki drives slowly in his general direction, which happens luckily to be close to the exit. He gets as close as he can to the group of boys without it being too suspicious and presses slowly the clutch, electing a strong and vibrating roar from the engine. There is no way a small Fiat like Niki's could make such a loud growl. Niki smirks at the sight of James' surprise, written all over his face. His mouth is hanging open, his half-smoked cigarette has fell on the floor. Niki observes with delight his mouth forming the words “the son of a bitch”. Niki sees in his rear-view mirror James' look of surprise turning into what looks like a roaring laugh but Niki dismisses it. He can't really spends his night watching Hunt or figuring out his reactions, after all. He turns right and focuses on the road before him. This is supposed to be the best part of his day, driving home with the prospect of a peaceful evening with Marlene. He is not supposed to feel empty. He is supposed to forget about his day at work, not to obsess about a certain arsehole with dirty blond hair.

 

“Who is this guy?” asks Marlene eventually.

 

“What guy?” shrugs Niki. Marlene knows better than to insist.

 

***

 

“Who was that?”

 

“Some jerk” shrugs James. “Another spliff anyone?” Shouts of agreement follow and the strange car is quickly forgotten. Only James keeps thinking with amazement of the purity of its sound, the way it must feel to drive it, to go faster and faster with loud rock n roll music, and to discuss with Lauda the merits of VW engines and Renault tyres.

 

The week passes fast enough for James. He doesn't go much to classes, prefers to hang out in the parking lot or in the cafeteria or around the girls' residence. He doesn't spend much time home either because his parents' house isn't what he would call home. He crashes at Ronnie's, most of the time, guy's got a nice flat. James misses being alone though. He really likes being around people and having fun and partying hard but sometimes it just gets _so_ tiring. Contrary to popular belief, James doesn't really like being the centre of attention, he just happens to be because he's handsome and fun. He doesn't ask for attention, he just gets it. Somehow, the fact that he's so popular in school without even going there doesn't balance the lack of attention he gets at home.

 

The next maths class is here too quickly. He doesn't really know how to act around Lauda. They have something _obviously_ , James is quite sure the show on the parking lot was intended for him. He doesn't know why exactly Lauda did it, like he had something to prove or wanted to impress James, which makes no sense at all. Why would Lauda care about some jerk, random student like him? There was something there.

 

James manages to find a pencil in his school-bag, not to take notes mind you, he's way too hangover for that – it's Friday morning after all and he always go out on Thursday nights. He banged Suzy the night before and now she's acting all weird, sometimes like they are a couple, the rest of the time, she's ignoring him and treating him like shit. _Girls_. James doesn't care as long as she lets him touch her tits again.

 

Lauda has already started talking bullshit about statistics and James isn't even sure he can find a piece of paper in his bag. The first hour passes as a blur. Some kid asks Lauda if he can let them have a break, which he allows, although he seems to find it pathetic that they can't even follow a two-hour class without a break. By habit, James takes a couple of cigarettes from his packet and follows mindlessly the group of students going outside. He doesn't look at Lauda when he passes his desk and Lauda doesn't look at him. They don't need to.

 

***

 

“If you've finished poisoning yourself, maybe we can go back to doing maths”

 

The smokers groan but follow nonetheless the teacher inside the classroom. James tries to pay attention this time, but it's like Lauda is speaking Chinese. His eyes meet Lauda's a couple of times and he can feel his cheeks burning each time. He has the weird impression the teacher can see through him and read his mind. He feels naked under Lauda's glance. Disturbing. James doesn't want to think of it as a some weird kind of crush, first because he's not one to have crushes (it's usually the other way around actually) and second because he doesn't even _like_ Lauda. Yes, there's something fascinating about the older man (not that old mind you) his car, his brightness – James is sure Lauda must be some sort of genius to be that good with maths – his piercing blue eyes, his swearing, his hateful manners, but besides that, Lauda is probably nothing more than a frustrated teacher.

 

Before the hand of the hour, James decides two things. One, he will never pass this class (if he manages stay until the exams that is) and two, he's going to talk to Lauda at this end of the class. He doesn't really know what he's going to say but he feels he has to. His resolution trembles as time flies, he's afraid of Lauda's reaction after the turn their last encounter has taken, but he can't help feeling a weird sort of attraction toward the man. Lauda finally allows them to leave the class, and as the students begin to talk and complain loudly about more or less everything, he puts his unused piece of paper back in his bag, ignores Ronnie calling after him and comes near Lauda's desk.

 

Niki is busy correcting papers and after a blur, finally notices everyone has left but James.

 

“You're still here.”

 

“Why is there a Ferrari engine in your dirty Fiat?”

 

“And I thought you had come to apologise.” sighs Niki, although he doesn't seem upset.

 

“Why would I need to apologise?”

 

“Well, you were rather rude last time.”

 

“You were the one who insulted and humiliated me. Twice.”

 

“I guess it doesn't happen that much then.”

 

“Well, I usually frequent civilised people, so nop, not that much. The last person who talked to me like that ended up missing two teeth”. James smiles brightly like he thinks he's the funniest person ever and Niki wonders idly why he doesn't find it annoying.

 

“I see. Clever way to respond to civil chat.”

 

“Last time had nothing to do with civil chat and you know it. Wouldn't want to damage your teething though, it seems nature has already done well on its own.” James wonders briefly if he's gone too far, but not for long, since Niki's answer is to burst out laughing.

 

“Definitely not here to apologise then. There's a Ferrari engine in my car because I want it to be fast and Ferrari makes the fastest car.”

 

“Bullshit. McLarens are better. Italian cars are for suckers, they're just pretty” Seeing the look of utter chock on Lauda's face, James adds quickly “What was it about, anyway, on the parking lot, with the gorgeous girl and your car? Do you feel the need to compensate for something? She single by the way?” Niki understands very quickly, although he doesn't have much experience in student-teacher relationship that the discussion is going down a dangerous road. Shame.

 

“She's my wife, so no, not single, and if you only look at her...” Niki doesn't have the time to finish his threat because James is giggling like Niki has just said the funniest thing he's ever heard.

 

“Your... your wife? You're kidding right? How can a woman like her be with someone like you? No offence old man, but she's just stunning and you're there, talking rubbish and statistics and flirting with your student so...”

 

“Who said anything about flirting?”

 

“I am. Well it doesn't need to be said actually, it just _happens_. You must know that, there must be something very special about you if you caught her attention” smiles wickedly James.

 

“I... Maybe you should go.” his voice is trembling and Niki curses himself mentally. _What the hell is happening? It wasn't suppose to go like that. It wasn't suppose to go_ at all.

 

“Maybe? Maybe I should stay.” James passes in flirting mode almost immediately. He leans suggestively over the desk, toward Lauda. He hasn't planed on seducing his teacher but now that he is there he has to admit it is rather fun, to see his elder blush like this, and well if it helped his grades somehow, all the better. He is wearing his best smile. Lauda is going to say yes, and James is going to kiss him. Yes that could work. James finds the idea oddly exciting. He doesn't go for men by habit but he's not one to refuse an opportunity when it presents itself. Lauda is going to say yes, _now,_ and James is going to kiss him.

 

“Have fun then” Niki says shortly. He closes his bag a bit too fast and leaves the classroom, not even looking at James. Shame, because if he had been looking, he would have seen the most stunning astonished face of his life. James is standing there gaping at Lauda's back. _Why hasn't he said yes,_ _dammit?_ James shrugs and a playful smile grows on his face. _At least he hasn't said no_.

The game is on.


	3. Saturday, October 12th - Monday, October 14th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why are you doing this?”
> 
> “You looked like you needed help” shrugs Niki. He's focussed intently on the road, not once looking at James.
> 
> “I didn't. I don't. And just for the record, had our position been reversed, I would have let you drown. Maybe run over you.” 
> 
> “That's because you're an arsehole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make things clearer, I've changed the tittles names so you can follow the story chronologically. 
> 
> The city where this story takes place, Guildford (Surrey), the club James goes to, and the streets really exist. 
> 
> Thanks for all the support, you're amazing and making the world a better place. Enjoy the boys being stupid.

 

Chapter 3 : Saturday, October 12th - Monday, October 14th   
  
_I don't quite know_   
_How to say_   
_How I feel_

***

 

After Friday comes Saturday and with Saturday comes Saturday night and these parties James enjoys so much. Alcohol, drugs, girls, all is easy and helps him forget how boring and pointless his life is. He meets with Ronnie and their usual group of friends at Ronnie's where they start drinking. A lot. They play those kind of games you play when you're drinking, “truth or dare” – James always chooses dares – “never have I”. He mixes vodka and whisky, adds a couple of pills to the mix, convinces Suzy to give him a handjob in the bathroom, and finally, finally, he feels _good_.

 

Eventually, the games get boring, their bottles are empty and Suzy, who sticks around because she wants to hook up with James and all the boys want to hook up with her, tells them there's a big party in a club on North Street. They leave Ronnie's flat and take a bus, the club is a twenty-minute walk from the campus, but they reckon they'll have better chances to actually arrive at the club by bus. Ronnie doesn't like that night club much but Suzy assures it's going to be great and no one is going to to argue with her. Especially not James, because he knows Lauda lives on Epsom Road, which is not very far from the night club. He doesn't say anything about it though, his friends already thinks he's being enough of a creep about the maths teacher. He follows the group mindlessly into an empty bus, already barely able to formulate a thought.

 

It's past midnight when they reach the nightclub. Suzy greets the bouncer with a charming smile and manages to get them all to come in – James, Ronnie, and their two other mates, John and Jody – despite them not meeting the dress code. They follow her inside, where she meets with a group of students who seem to be a bit older that them. James recognizes one of them as a third-year student and a rugby player, but is unable to put a name on his face. He downs one drink, then another. At this point, he doesn't even know what is in his glass, but it doesn't matter. The music is loud, the girls are hot and someone takes him to the bathroom to do a couple of lines, and then, only then, he doesn't feel good anymore, he feels _grand_. He can lose control and be himself for real, the James that doesn't have to worry about the future and where to sleep tonight because there is no time to sleep, so much to do, the world is his tonight.

 

Two hours pass and James suddenly realises he's alone in the crowded club, his friends have disappeared and apparently didn't bother to look for him. He reckons he can't possibly get more drunk than he already is and is exhausted from all the dancing so he just leaves the club. Out in the cold, he lights a cigarette and the cool wind blowing in his hair is a welcome feeling. He sits on the pavement and for a while, just lays there, waiting for something to happen or someone to find him, but of course, no one is looking for him. He manages to stand up after an undetermined period of time and finds himself wandering drunkly on the street. His friends have disappeared, there is no buses to go back to Ronnie's and he has nowhere to go.

 

He remembers that Lauda lives close by and manages to ask a group of youngsters, who seem to be as drunk as he is, for directions. They want him to stay with them to keep partying but he mumbles a no and follows their directions to Lauda's street, to Lauda's flat. Luckily, the building door is not closed. He opens it with too much strength and the noise of the door banging against the wall echoes in the empty corridor. The walls are grey, the floor is grey and James feels cold just looking around him. Lauda's name is written on a green mailbox, with the mention “3rd floor”.

 

James stumbles, finds the stairs, attempts to climb them but ends up on his hands and knees, climbing up like a child. It's rather humiliating, really, but James is past beyond that. He doesn't know how exactly he finds Lauda's door but he blesses himself for having convinced the college's secretary to give him Lauda's address. He knocks – well bangs really – on the door and sits on the cold tiles, against the wall facing the door, waiting for a miracle. He has barely enough room to stretch his legs out. He should know that Lauda's probably asleep and will certainly not be happy to find him here but he can't be bothered to care right now. He doesn't care if Lauda is angry as long as Lauda is here. Meanwhile, James counts the stains on the grey wall facing him.

 

Eventually though, when James is close to fall asleep right here right there, Lauda does open the door and stares at him with chock. It is quite a sight, really, James is sitting on the floor facing the door, dishevelled and yet somehow always gorgeous, while Lauda is looking at him like he hasn't decided yet if he's going to actually acknowledge his presence or just close his door. It takes James some time to focus and realise Lauda is not wearing any shirt, but when he does see it, he can't keep quiet any longer.

 

“You're, you're half naked” he states blankly, staring at Lauda's naked chest. His gaze wanders on his arms and his shoulders and perfect neck and fine stomach and those hairs on his chest that look so soft. James wants to pass his fingers through Lauda's curls and he wants Lauda to hold him close and tells him everything's going to be just fine. James notices the small mole above Lauda's left nipple and is taken aback by want, pure and genuine want. He needs to lick and to bite and to kiss, oh, so badly, that small mark. He is pulled out of his reverie by Lauda's voice.

 

“Well, I was sleeping you know, because it's actually three in the fucking morning and – oh, for fuck sake can't you focus elsewhere” Niki tries to hide as much skin as he can with his arms, but James groans so he just sighs and lets James look all he wants “I don't even want to know how you know where I live but I'd quite like to know however why you thought it was a good idea to come here in the middle of the night.” Niki is trying very hard not to shout, so his voice sounds like an angry whisper which is not quite as impressive, but Marlene is still sleeping and he really doesn't want her to wake up and find him here arguing with a drunk student.

 

“The secretary at, at college told me. She, ah, she too finds you cute, you know, you should give it a try, she has nice tits.”

 

“Fuck you. Wait. What do you mean 'she too'?” asks Niki with a puzzled

 

“Weeeeell...” James manages to stand up, using the wall as support. He makes a tentative step towards Niki, who has closed his door to avoid waking Marlene with the talking and is now frowning. “You are certainly one of a kind” and James is close now, too close, so close Niki can actually smell his breath. “With your teeth” James brushes his fingers against Niki's lips “and your cute eyes and when you smile and when you swear, and, well, you know.” James' hand is resting above Niki's right ear but he doesn't pull away.

 

“No, I don't know, you're drunk, you're not making any sense. And this is the last time you call me, or any part of my anatomy, 'cute'”

 

“Shame, I was just getting started” smiles James. He's starting to sober up a bit but cocaine is still kicking and any self consciousness is long gone. “If you would just let go a bit...” he's stumbling but manages to sound seductive at the same time, and the hand that was previously stroking Niki's face goes down to settle on Niki's hip. The playful smile never leaves James' lips. _I'm going to kiss him and he won't_ _reject_ _me._ _Yes, now._

 

Except Niki has had enough. Two can play a game. He forces James against the wall behind him. Niki ignores James' sudden cry of pain and doesn't register that James' hands have gone to the small of his back, almost groping his arse, because he's crashed his lips against James' who's whimpering and Niki hates that he loves this sounds and is already thinking about how to have James do it again for him and only him. Their teeth clash and tongues fight, it is not good at all and yet Niki wouldn't have it any other way. Except James is strangely malleable in his arms so Niki pulls back, suddenly unsure, and stares at James' eyes. His pupils are blown wild and judging by the state of James' pants, it's not of arousal. James seems unusually tensed, unable to stay still.

 

“Oh my God, you're high. Get out of me.”

 

“Weeeeell, first you're the one on me and, come on Lauda, it's OK, it's nothing, I'm fine, really” James' smile is not so self assured anymore. “Can we do the kissing again?”

 

“Fuck you, go back home, I don't want some junkie hanging out here”

 

“I don't know where home is” mumbles James and he looks lost. Niki stares back for a moment, wondering what exactly James means. He _has_ somewhere to go, obviously. There must be someone waiting for him. James is looking at him, silently pleading, and Niki is _that_ close to let him sleep on the couch when he hears Marlene calling him from inside the flat.

 

“I don't care where you go, you just can't stay there. Good night Hunt.” He opens the door and goes inside, reassures Marlene with something like “just some drunk guy, don't know what he wants, seriously let's go back to bed and forget about it all”. She doesn't argue, but Niki is sure she hears it when James screams with a broken voice “FUCK YOU, RAT”. The whole block of flats must have heard it, the whole world, for that matters, and damn, does it hurt. Niki tries to forget about _him_ , kisses Marlene good night as they go back to bed.

 

He doesn't sleep that night. Thoughts are running through his head too fast. He almost feels drunk, sick, although he knows he can't get drunk just by kissing Hunt. Kissing him. _That_ keeps him wide awake. The kiss was not good, not even a kiss, really, nothing to do with the smooth and loving kisses he shares with Marlene. Those are not as half as interested as James' kiss was though. Now, Niki reckons James hasn't really kissed him back, wasn't able really, but Niki is sure James would have, James was interested in him, he _had_ to. Hell, James would have probably kissed first if he were not so high.

 

And the drugs, God. Niki was not a stranger to the concept of course, although he's never taken drugs, barely even smokes. Niki wonders if James thinks it makes him look cool or makes him feel better, but in both cases, Niki knows he's wrong. James shouldn't need to take drugs to feel good about himself. Niki doesn't know what James was on, doesn't know what kids take this day – but he's not a kid, not really – hell, Niki hasn't smoked a joint in ten years but he knows James wasn't on marijuana. Not only. It kills him to see James waste his life with alcohol and drugs when he obviously has an enormous potential. Or maybe he doesn't and Niki is just blinded by their – but what are they?

 

When he finally decides he's wasted enough time in bed, the sun is rising and fuck, he needs a coffee. A sort of hope hangs in his heart and he goes check if James' still here, waiting for him in the dirty corridor, but of course the man has disappeared. There's nothing there to remind him of their altercation. Nothing but a feeling of self-disgust. He could have dreamt it, hopes he dreamt it because fuck, he kissed a student and that is immoral in more ways than he'd like to think. Sigh.

Coffee it is.

 

 

 

 

***

 

James leaves after having slept for a couple of hours on the floor. He feels like shit when he wakes up but after a few minutes of roving, je finds a pretty woman on the second floor who agrees to brew him a coffee. She has a lovely flat, and James wonders if Lauda's looks like this one, but of course Lauda wouldn't have chosen this colour for the walls, would never pick this kind of furniture, would prefer a larger coach. James wants badly to be in Lauda's flat. She offers him coffee and her name but he dismisses both and kisses her lips instead. She doesn't seem to be bothered by his bad breath or shaky manners, is probably happy enough to have a twenty something showing interest in her. Must have been quite some time since it happened to her. James desperately wants to be in Lauda's bed but he fucks her nonetheless, on the couch first and then on her bed with a mix of relief and self-disgust. Yes he can still do it, he's not _that_ broken, he can still fuck women even though his thoughts are focussed on a man.

 

When she offers to suck him off in the middle of the afternoon, after he's spent half the day fucking her, half the day sleeping, he closes his eyes, lets his hands wander on her head and wishes her dark hair were shorter. He bites his tongue when he comes – not in her mouth – because he doesn't want to shout Lauda's name.

 

He stays until Monday morning and leaves silently while she's asleep. It's 7 in the morning and he has to walk half an hour to get back to college. His first class starts at 8, something to do with the history of medicine through the age. For the first time since the start of the semester, two weeks ago, he may actually be on time for a class. It's raining but he doesn't care. It makes the road less dull.

 

What he doesn't expect however, is hearing a car slowing near him and pulling in front of him, ten minutes after he's started walking. The rain is falling roughly but it doesn't bother him much, keeps him awake. However, he's cold and if someone is willing to let him ruin their seats for him, well be it. The car is strangely familiar and he swears as he recognizes Lauda's car. He opens the door with a sigh, sits on the leather seat, and Lauda starts the car again. They're silent for a few minutes but James appreciates it, he doesn't need to talk and he's quite happy to just listen to the sweet sound of the car. Nonetheless, he eventually ends up breaking the silence.

 

“You.”

 

“Yes.”

 

James finds his cigarettes packet in his bag but Niki stops him before he can find his lighter. “No smoking in the car.”

 

“Your woman was smoking the other day.”

 

“Her name's Marlene and she did not smoke inside the car.”

 

“Pretty name. Suits her.”

 

“I'm already regretting picking you up.” lies Niki.

 

“Oh, come on, don't be such a bore. Smile, life is beautiful.”

 

“Is it?” snarls Niki.

 

“Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's worth it. I guess. When you find the right place, the right people, the right time. Anyway. Can I smoke if I open the window?”

 

“My, what a poet. And no, you can't.”

 

It stops here and James is not willing to keep on talking. Except he has to, has to understand what is going on, why would Niki kick him out after kissing him and then inviting him in his car when he's not even actively hitch-hiking. For someone so obsess with maths and statistics, Niki's behaviour in highly illogical. After another few minutes of silence, James can't help but ask the question that's been turning in his head since he got in the car. “Why are you doing this?”

 

“You looked like you needed help” shrugs Niki. He's focussed intently on the road, not once looking at James.

 

“I didn't. I don't. And just for the record, had our position been reversed, I would have let you drown. Maybe run over you.” James is not angry, not really but still, he's quite resentful. For all Lauda's pretty talk, he could have very well got killed that night, or raped or, or, well, he could have frozen to death.

 

“That's because you're an arsehole.” It could have stayed at that. Could have. But James is not, is never, able to hold his tongue.

 

“I understand you have a fixation on that part of my anatomy but you're quite aware that it's rather inappropriate for you to have such perverted thoughts about my innocent self?” James goes back to flirting mode in autopilot, can't resist teasing Lauda.

 

“Shut up.”

 

And James does for a while, but Niki is smiling and James notices that so he speaks again.

 

“I'm not sure it's even legal for you to swear that much in front of students. Maybe I should press charges”.

 

“You're not my student right now” whispers Niki.

 

“What am I then?”

 

Niki stops the car suddenly, parks on the side of the road, so fast that James doesn't have the time to register what is going on until soft lips are pressed lightly against his own and a hand is pulling at his hair. He doesn't move for a second or two but his body is rather used to those kind of ministration so he eventually leans in and kisses back. He moans appreciably and Niki pulls back.

 

“You're just a naïve teenager that carelessly accepted to be picked up by a stranger, a very dangerous man with that.” Niki says, and he starts the car again. They're only a few minutes away from the college parking lot but James doesn't want them to arrive, he wants to stay in this car with Niki forever. The thought surprises and scares him but the idea of forever is not so frightening if Niki's by his side

 

“You're not dangerous.”

 

“Try me.”

 

“One day you'll have to decide what you really want Niki” says James softly, eventually. Niki isn't sure since when they are on a first-name-basis because he has never told James his name. He doesn't knows why he now refers to Hunt as James in his head either. Something to do with him kissing James twice, maybe.

 

“I don't want you” snarls Niki back without thinking.

 

 _Mistake_ he thinks almost immediately. He has parked his car in his usual spot but he's ready to start the car again and keep on driving for hours if he can just make James _understand_ and not leave. He'd like to take back what he just said and tell James he does want him but that he can't admit it so instead he resorts to being aggressive. Tell James that he somehow hopes that acting aggressive will drive him away, tells him they can't have what they want, it's not right, he's married, he's not even gay, this thing between them is beyond logic and what they have done – no, what Niki has done, James has just been flirting, the kissing is all Niki – is not right and should, must, stop. And tell James Niki doesn't want it to stop.

 

He has never wanted someone as much as he genuinely wants James right now, despite the blond's foolish habits, despite the fact that he probably fucks four girls a day. What he feels for Marlene is a true and pure and securing kind of love but with James... With James it's a burning, destructive and unlimited passion. He's learnt to know and understand Marlene during all their years together, but he only met James two weeks ago and yet he feels like they've known each other for their entire life. With Marlene it feels right, with James it feels good. With James, Niki feels alive. With Marlene he just feels not dead.

 

Before he has time to process all those thoughts crashing suddenly in his mind, before he has time to apologise – he never apologises – and kiss James again – he doesn't care if half the school can see them – James is looking at him with furious eyes and cursing him and Niki doesn't even hear what the blond is saying he just watches his lips moving, watches the boy get out of the car, slam the door, walk away fast and not looking back. He watches, gaping, and doesn't move.

 

Niki thinks it annoying, really; James seems to have made it a habit of his to act like a diva and storm out every time, well, every time Niki acts like a bitch.

 

Coffee is needed again. As he grabs his bag in the back seat, Niki realises that James' wallet has fallen out of his bag and his now resting on the floor. He picks it up, throws it quickly in his own bag, already thinking of _the next time_.


	4. Monday, October 14th - Tuesday, October 15th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cars, pizza, sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long to post it, I didn't have much time and it took forever to edit and I'm sure there are still lots of mistakes, please don't hate me D:
> 
> Sex scene between guys at the end, so skip the second half of the chapter if you're not comfortable with that.

 

Chapter 4 : Monday, October 14th - Tuesday, October 15th

  
_Forget what we're told_   
_Before we get too old_   
_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

***

When he enters the classroom, Niki notices two things: 1) the first-year med students are almost all here, early and ready, which is a satisfying surprise, 2) James is not here which is not satisfying at all, but not really a surprise either. Silence falls when he puts loudly his bag on his desk. When he starts talking about numbers, all James-related thoughts leave his mind. The students are getting interested in what he's saying, some of them even seem to understand; he thinks maybe if his sentimental life is an utter failure, he can have some success in his professional life.

 

It is not a comforting thought at all.

 

His thoughts get back to James as soon as the class is over. He has the presence of mind to call Ronnie Peterson – the guy seems to be James' closest friend – before he leaves the room. The blond comes nervously at his desk. Feeling guilty perhaps?

 

“Is there a problem, Sir?”

 

“Yes. Well no, not a problem per se.” _Smart start, Lauda_ “I need you to tell me where I can find James Hunt. He's your friend right?” Peterson nods. “I have to speak to him, it's quite important. So. Does he have a flat on campus or something?”

 

“No. No, he doesn't. I can get him a message if you like?”

 

“No. I have to do it myself, I can't... Look, he must live somewhere.” Niki is very conscious that he sounds very weird, but well, it _is_ weird and really, he could get weirder because right now he wants to literally shake Ronnie until the boy revels where the hell James is hiding.

 

“It's a bit complicated at the moment. I'm not sure I should be talking about it. Most of the time, he crashes at my place or goes with whatever girl he meets during the night. Er, I shouldn't have said that.” Niki notices the bitter look on Peterson's face but doesn't push the issue, although he keeps the idea in mind for latter. The fact that James fucks a lot of girls is not a surprise, nor the fact that it can create jealousy either, but Peterson doesn't seem to be jealous, not really. Something else, but Niki can't quite put his finger on it. Worry, perhaps? “Anyway, he usually spends his Monday evenings at Brooklands, a racing track near Weybridge. It takes 20 or so minutes in car maybe? He'll probably be there until it's dark.”

 

“Yes, I know of it. It's...” Niki is trying very hard to learn as much as possible about James but yet, he doesn't want it to look like he's prying. Peterson already looks uncomfortable enough and Niki has never been very good with diplomacy. “To be honest, I'm a bit worried about him.” Not quite a lie, but Peterson seems suspicious about his intention and Niki has to admit he doesn't seem very trustworthy, so he tries sentiment. “Does he spend a lot of time racing?”

 

“He's only there on Mondays or when he's feeling angry or upset. I'm sorry, I can't tell you more about it, he wouldn't like it. He's kind of a private person, even if he doesn't look like it. However, for funny reasons, he seems to like you, so I trust you're not going to do something stupid. You'd better not. I gotta go now, my friends will be waiting for me. Good-bye Professor”.

 

Niki doesn't have time to say good-bye, his student has already fled. Niki reckons Ronnie's last words were strange, sort of “hurt him, I'll hurt you” speech. Which makes no sense at all. Whatever James and he have, or are, Niki trusts that James wouldn't have talked about it to his friends. But apparently he's talked about him nonetheless. Niki can't help but feel smug about it.

 

***

 

He does know of the racing track Peterson mentioned, of course. Practically spent a month basically living there after he got his driving licence, learning everything he could about cars, engines, speed, racing. He still keeps a fond memory of it, it was probably one of the greatest time of his life. Him, a car, asphalt, and nothing else but limits to overstep. At this time, he enjoyed for some time the dream of being a pilot by making his way though F3, F2, F1. He was sure, and still is, that he would have been one of the greatest pilots ever, not because of some kind of vanity, only because he knows what he's worth. The dream has stayed a dream though. His family threatened to cut him off, the bank refused to grant him a second loan. That's when he got interested in maths and in economics, he was trying to find desperately a way to find money to buy his way through F1, but he failed. He finished his maths degree as one of the best students of his university and ended up taking a job as a teacher to repay his debts to the bank.

 

He met Marlene at university and was as surprised as everyone when she showed interest in him. They started dated, got married and he finally got the life he never wanted to have, nice wife, nice job, probably nice kids eventually; a life as boring as safe. Everyday was the same, the only excitement being when he could go to Brooklands, the racing track Peterson has mentioned earlier, and race. Don't get him wrong, he truly loves Marlene and their peaceful life but it has always lake of something... Something Niki thinks he saw in James that very first day, even though he was unable to correctly put a name on it. Their shared interest in cars was part of it, sure, but deep down Niki knows there is something else, they are more than two persons sharing a common hobby. There is something about James that appeals to Niki, though he doesn't quite understand it. Their relationship, despite being messy and overall dysfunctional, has become _needed_.

 

At the end of the day, Niki meets with Marlene on the parking lot as usual, but this time he drops her home and drives to the racing track. He could have gone there with his eyes closed even if it's been a few months since he's been there. It seemed quite pointless to continue driving if he couldn't make a carrier out of it, it was more frustrating and depressing that anything else. When he bought his old Fiat however, he came around to use the engine shop and work on it until he was satisfied but since then, he rarely goes.

 

He parks his car in the parking, amused to see that the tree facing what was his usual spot still wears the word “Lauda” carved on it.

 

He walks through the trees surrounding the circuit, not surprised to see that he still knows the fastest way to go to the track. Five minutes later, a tall building stands in front of him. He smiles at all the memories it brings. He had first come here almost ten years ago, met with the responsible of the circuit and convince him with a certain amount of money and with, well, being his very annoying and determined self, to let him drive here, even though nobody had used the track for 30 years, since the site had been transformed into a museum. He had eventually become somewhat friend with Alastair Caldwell, as soon as the man saw what he could do with a car. Niki had learnt everything he could about cars and racing, but no amount of theory could compare with what he felt the first time he got in a F3 and pushed the pedal until the car was shaking and menacing to break. After a lap, Caldwell's doubtful attitude had changed toward utter admiration and as Niki proceeded to explain to him everything that was wrong with his car, he understood that this wasn't just another kid who wanted to play James Dean. This was the start of what Alastair called friendship and what Niki called partnership.

 

This same man is having a smoke with someone when he notices Niki walking towards them. He waves to him with a large grin. “Ah, Niki it's been so long. Let me introduce you to Mr Hunt here. He's charming enough so I let him drive here from time to time”

 

Of course, Alastair would have no idea that Niki knows this Mr Hunt very well, but rather than tell Alastair the truth – he is here to see James and not him – he decides to play along and shakes eagerly James' hand. “Oh, well, nice to meet you. How long have you been driving?”

 

“Couple of years sir. Managed to convince Alastair to let me drive here a year ago maybe?” James is smiling frankly and doesn't seem put out by Niki's game.

 

“Yeah that must be it. Only you though” winks Alastair. “Came here to drive Niki?” Niki is very tempted to say yes but he shakes his head. “How's your car then?”Alistair was really the only person in the world who would ask about his car before his wife.

 

“Just wanted to pass by and say hello. See if anything has changed.” Niki ignores Alastair's last question, not willing to go into details about how he feels useless with a wonderful car but nowhere to drive to.

 

“Ah well, the only thing that has changed, apart from the museum decoration, is that you're not our favourite pilot anymore, we've got a new champion!”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“Well, I reckon he may not be as good as you were” James turns to him with a scandalous look which is ignored by Alistair but elects a smirk from Niki “but I guess you could say there's a form of genius in his recklessness. Look I would have loved to stay and have a chat but I got important matters to attend to. If you want to hang around for half an hour or so, we could have coffee later, or I could show you around maybe?”

 

“Ah, maybe another day.”

 

“Maybe James here can show you around then? Come on, it's been a while, I'm sure you're dying to see it all again!” Niki really is not. All the good memories here are diluted with nostalgia and the knowledge that his time here is over. He isn't sure he is ready to spend time alone with James either, he just came to give him back his wallet, after all. Yeah, just for that. He's about to say no but James is quicker, smiles brightly and extends his arm in Niki's direction, like he's expecting Niki to grab it.

 

“Come along intriguing stranger. I'm sure you're dying to see what has changed since the last time you came here. When was that by the way? Before or after the discovery of America?” smirks James.

 

Alistair bursts out laughing, looks at them both and says “I'll leave you to it then. James, show him your car! He will probably tell you that it's rubbish but he usually has good advice, even though they often look like insults”. Niki looks astonished, and feels like this unreal conversation is happening between the two other men like he's not here. Nonetheless, he puts his arm clumsily around James' as Alistair goes back quickly to the massive building behind them.

 

“I have no idea what's happening here.” says Niki eventually

 

“Well, that's a first. Welcome to my life.”

 

“I thought you were angry at me.”

 

“Oh don't worry, I am. But life is short and you're hot.” This must be one of his most cheesy pick-up line but it makes Niki blush, so James reckons it's worth it. “Did you come here for me?”

 

“Kind of. You forget your wallet in my... car this morning.” He doesn't want to mention what happened but James seems to have some kind of forgiveness and he feels the need to explain himself.

 

“You can say it I'm not going to bite you. Or maybe I'll do you just that. I'm always in a good mood after driving so I don't believe you can piss me off tonight. So where's my wallet? I guess you've stolen my money and looked at the embarrassing picture on my ID?” James is joking, obviously, nut Niki curses himself for not having thought of that.

 

“It's in my car. I'll give it to you if you behave. Now, since we're here and I don't give a shit about the museum and all, show me your car.” Niki realises that their arms are still artistically intertwined, like James is going to lead him proudly to a Victorian ballroom and dance with him. Which is totally not making Niki fantasying about James in a dark suit. It was as if James has read his mind, as he answers with a deep voice “Very well Sir. Follow my lead.”

 

They walk for a couple of minutes in silence. James' car is parked in a small building, a sort of garage that wasn't there in Niki's time. The roof is made of a rusted metal, the walls, simple grey bricks.

 

Niki's eyes wander around the garage, stops for a while on a white helmet laying on a black case. He can read “Hunt” on the helmet in black letters, but someone, James maybe?, has added an S before the name, making it “Shunt”. Niki keeps it in mind to ask James about it latter. He turns to the car,tracing the pads of his fingers overthe blue bodywork. “Pretty. A bit too large maybe, must be difficult to manoeuvre in turns.” Not waiting for an invitation, Niki gets in the car. “Pedals are a bit hard, should do something about the...”

 

Niki suddenly realises James is not watching him anymore but standing behind him, leaning over his shoulder. James passes his hand slowly over Niki's shoulders and lets them rest on his chest in a sort of awkward embrace. Niki can feel James' breath over his left ear and James' hair caressing his neck. His heart starts to beat really fast as James puts very, very, slowly his lips on Niki's neck. “Do you want to try it?” his voice is so low it comes out as some sort of whisper and Niki finds it hard to swallow with James' lips continual dance on his neck.

 

 _He's going to be the death of me_.

 

Niki shudders, gets out of the car a bit too fast and doesn't care if he hurt James in the way. “Another day perhaps. When you've replaced the breaks.” James is smirking knowingly and Niki decides immediately that he hates that smile. “Actually, I don't think I like German cars. It's shit. Let's get back to mine so I can give you back your wallet.” Niki knows he's walking out too fast but he has to take back the control of it all. He can't let James affect him that much.

 

James catches up with him, and together they go back to Niki's car. Again, they walk in silence, but Niki is gratefully for that. They don't mention the scene in the car, even though James still looks annoyingly smug.

 

Niki opens his car and gives James his wallet. James immediately opens it to check everything's in order.

 

“I didn't steal anything. I didn't even look into it.”

 

“How did you know it was mine then?” asks simply James.

 

“Well, since there aren't a lot of student hanging out in my car, I supposed it was yours.”

 

“Oh, I'm so glad to be the only teacher's pet. First time in my life. Yeah you know what, that's not true actually. All the teachers like me.” Niki almost answers that he doesn't like him but bites back his words. He doesn't want a repeat of their departure this morning.

 

“Look, about this morning, I wanted to say...”

 

“Don't. I'm fine, it's OK, I understand. People tend to find it difficult to admit their feelings for me. I don't understand why though, I'm so charming.”

 

Niki snorts at that. “Modest also?”

 

“Modesty is useless. I'm just being realistic. Well, I guess this is goodbye then. I'll see you in class.” James turns to go back in the direction of the track but Niki catches him before he can go.

 

“Wait. Where is your car?”

 

“Well, you saw it 15 minutes ago, it was the blue thing with the wheels. Is it Alzheimer yet, Grand-Pa?” teases James.

 

“Fuck you. I meant your real car, dummy, the one you drove to come here.”

 

James looks pale for a moment before answering “I didn't come here with my car, I hitchhicked.” He looks uncomfortable, so Niki gets in his car, starts it and gestures at James to come in.

 

 

***

 

“So where are we going?”

 

“I don't know, you're the one driving.”

 

“I mean where do you want to go? Where do you live? Sometimes I wonder if you're just playing thick head or if you're really are.” Niki waits for a witty reply which doesn't come. He looks briefly at James who's looking through the window and ignoring him.

 

“I'd be happy to drive until tomorrow morning, but I'd be reassured if you had an actual somewhere to sleep” says Niki, more softly this time.

 

“Oh don't act like you care whether I have somewhere to sleep or not. You made it quite clear that it wasn't any of your business. Both Saturday night and this morning.” Niki sighs. Here they go again.

 

“I didn't mean that, I thought you knew it.”

 

“Why saying it then? Are you mean because you think it gives you some kind of power over me? Or do you think if you pretend not to care then you will actually not care? Because in any case it doesn't work that way. Look, I don't know why or how, because I'm really way out of your league, but I like being with you, and I'm quite sure you like it as well, so I see no reason why we shouldn't spend time together. A friend of mine lives two blocks away, you can drop me there.”

 

“I leave my office at 7pm tomorrow so if you're free, maybe you could...” _Damn,_ _why_ _i_ _s it so bloody difficult?._

 

“Yes OK, I'll be there.” says James shortly, not waiting for him to finish his sentence, and Niki thanks him silently for that. “You can drop me here, I'll be fine thanks.” James opens the door, leans towards Niki and kisses his cheek, which must be the most ridiculous thing Niki has ever seen. James closes the door, leans against the open window and adds “Your office is on the 3rd floor right?” He doesn't wait for a confirmation he doesn't really need and turns tail.

 

Niki is left wondering what on Earth he did to deserve such a human tornado in his life.

 

 

***

 

James arrives at his office with a pizza box the following day at precisely 7:26, after Niki has vaguely considered giving up and going home. James has brought food though, so Niki forgives his lateness immediately. James opens the box with a smile, grabs the free chair and sits in front of Niki. The office is quite small but tidy enough so Niki doesn't feel confined. It's easier to work here than at home. There's a desk in the middle of his office, with a small lamp and piles of papers. The walls are blue but are mostly hidden behind shelves crowded by books in more languages than James can think of. He settles on his chair, grab a piece of pizza and puts it on the piece of paper standing on the top of one of the piles. He uses it as a plate and hands it to Niki.

 

“James. This was an important paper I had to get back to the dean tomorrow. And you've put a piece on it. What on Earth were you thinking?”

 

“Uh, I wasn't. Enjoy your meal anyway.” shrugs James. Niki sighs and takes a bite in his piece of pizza. It's warm and comforting after long hours spent grading papers. They talk for most of their meal, enjoying easy conversation about college, cars, weather, about anything really. They're careful not to talk about James' sort of homelessness though. After having finished their meal, they put the box in the bin under Niki's desk.

 

“So... What now?” asks James.

 

“The cleaners will close the building at 9, so we'd better get going soon.” answers Niki, but none of them move. Electric tension fills the air now that they don't have the pizza to pretend they're just here as friends having dinner. James lights a cigarette.

 

“You know you're not actually supposed to be smoking here, right?”

 

“I'm not even supposed to be here.” smiles James. He stands up, opens the window to chase the smell of his cigarette and sits on the desk, his legs brushing Niki's.

 

“Maybe I should go then” says James but makes no move to do so.

 

“Maybe you shouldn't.” Niki can't help but remember their first conversation in the classroom a week ago, and how things have changed from then. He feels like it was a lifetime ago, and yet...

 

James smiles knowingly. “Want one of those?” he says, showing his packet to Niki.

 

“I don't smoke.”

 

“You're no fun.” James stubs out his cigarette.

“Excuse me if I'd like to stay healthy and not look like shit in 20 years.”

 

“I hate you” says James, pouting. “And we all know I'm never going to look like shit.”

 

“I hate you too” Niki snarls back and he doesn't care if that's childish. He stands up without really meaning it and leans toward James. His right hand goes to James' head, he catches a wild strand of hair and puts it softly behind James' ear.

 

“I hate you, so, fucking, much, I want to kiss you just to shut you up” murmurs James, staring straight at Niki's eyes.

 

“I hate you so much I want to fuck you, until you can do nothing but moan my name” answers Niki and even he is surprised by the clear admission and he doesn't care if it sounds stupid because James is _blushing_ and, well, after all, it's the truth.

 

“Well that escalated quickly” sighs James as he closes the space between their lips. He takes Niki's lower lip between his and pulls playfully, his eyes fully open and focused solely on Niki's.

 

“Problem?”

 

“Nop” answers James and this time, he takes his time kissing Niki, working his tongue slowly over Niki's lips until the teacher sighs and opens his mouth under him. James feels hand at his shoulders, taking his jacket off. James' hand is on Niki's neck, pulling at the soft curls and trying to get him as close as possible, to eliminate any remaining space between their bodies. He fumbles with Niki's shirt and they separate for a few (too many) seconds to both take their shirts off. They begin to kiss again, and in their position, James sitting on the desk and Niki standing between his legs, it's not comfortable but none of them cares at all. James feels Niki press his hardness against his, the friction delicious but not enough. He moans as Niki's mouth goes down on his neck to lick and kiss.

 

“So we're doing it here then?” asks James with a seductive smile but Niki doesn't answer because he's busy with James flies. “Is it the part where you throw all the stuff on your desk away and have me on it?” Niki moans shamelessly and tries desperately to takes James' jeans off. When his fingers stops shaking with want, he finally manages it but stands gaping at what is waiting for him inside.

 

“You aren't wearing any pants. Why is that?”

 

“Why would I? It seems rather pointless when I know I'm going to take them off sometimes during the day” laughs James. And Niki wants to hit him, he wants him to stop talking and stop being so annoying. He would really like James not to be as stunning and ridiculously handsome as he is because now he's feeling self conscious just looking at him, not believing his luck. He doesn't realize he's blankly staring at James in all his naked glory until he feels a mouth biting his left nipple and going slowly down, leaving a wet trail on his way. James is on his knees in front of him and Niki is that close to come at the sight. When James' head is level with his crotch he shudders and doesn't dare thinking about what the blond is going to do next.

 

James bites at his hip, looks at him straight in his eyes, catches Niki's flies with his teeth and slowly opens it and damn if that's not the hottest thing Niki's seen in his whole life. His trousers and pants are at his feet and he kicks them and his shoes fast. Now that they are both naked, he is left thinking for a few seconds exactly how they are going to proceed, as he's used to have a bed nearby in those circumstances. It doesn't seem to be ta problem for James though, he takes his time to look at Niki's body and proceed to kiss him thoroughly. Niki finally reckons James' last suggestion is not stupid so he breaks from the blond embrace and manage to clear his desk as quickly as he can, not caring one bit about the former organisation of his papers. James smirks, sits on the desk and drags Niki down with him. James closes his hand around Niki's shaft, at last. Niki pants heavily but he doesn't want to give away how much he wants James right now. James' hand moves fast, and Niki considers idly letting him do just so until he comes – which, reasonably, shouldn't take that much time – but he knows they both need more than a quick handjob, so he pushes James' hand away.

 

“Wait, I just, wait.” _Very eloquent Lauda_. But James doesn't want to wait, he wants to keep kissing Niki, he wants to feel Niki's hardness against his, he wants to see Niki's eyes as he comes undone before him. That said, he's open to any suggestions Niki might make, so he lets him time to assemble his thoughts. When he speaks again, Niki's voice is hard and direct.

 

“Turn around. Bend over the desk.” James mumbles a “fuck yes” and quickly obeys as he feels warm hands on his back, arse, hole. He cries as he feels a finger wet with spit probing at his entrance. “There's, there's lube in my bag.” Niki moves aside, finds the little bottle and puts a copious amount of lube on his fingers. He pushes one inside James and leans over him, so his mouth is just above James' ear.

 

“You want it, don't you? Me fucking you? You've wanted it for a long time, admit it.” A second finger enters James' loosening hole, a good kind of burn. “Mmh, I'm going to take you apart James. On that very desk. Would you like that? You're so beautiful” James isn't sure Niki is even aware he's saying all that, but he's not going to protest, because, damn it's hot. Niki pushes a third finger inside him as he admires the beautiful curve of James' body arched over the desk.

 

James is an utter mess, he's sweating and rutting helplessly against the desk, too far gone to even realise it. “Come on get on with it” he gasps as Niki's fingers are opening him thoroughly. “I'm hardly going to break you know. Besides, it's not like it's actually my first tiiime” mumbles James as Niki performs a particularly clever trick with his finger. “Right. Right, OK” Niki takes a deep breath, does not think at all about those who've been like he is, buried in James like this and withdraws his fingers slowly.

 

James hears the sound of a condom package being torn. Niki is actually quite glad that James considers himself ready because he knows he's not going to be able to hold on much more longer. The mere idea of having James bent over his desk is enough to fuel his fantasies for a few years. He positions himself at James' entrance and ever so slowly, Niki eases all the way in.

 

They both gasp but James doesn't want slow, he needs fast and rough so he bucks his hips against Niki to push him to go faster. Niki seems to understand what the blond needs so he buries himself to the root and immediately begins to move back and forth, until he finds a rhythm that works for them both.

 

James is making those delicious noise and he takes way too much time to Niki to remember that he's supposed to touch James, surely. He's not sure how to proceed, hasn't even touched another man like this in his whole life. He's not really worried though, with James everything's always been so natural. He feels like he was born to be just there, with this man. But it's more of a reborn really, like all his life before James was just a sort of waiting room and that, now, he can live. Niki finds the idea completely ridiculous, something you find in teenage girls' romance novels, but yet, it feels true.

 

Niki takes James in his hand and is surprised to find that it's not that weird. Unusual, maybe, but it's all worth it when James starts making tiny, delicious sounds and begs him to go faster. _Next time,_ Niki thinks _, next time I'll take my time to explore you thoroughly_. Because yes, Niki will definitely need a repeat, but now it's too much, they are too far gone to care about making it last.

 

James comes in his hand after a few strokes with a gasp. Niki is grinning as his movements become erratic; he's just made James fucking Hunt come and the idea is enough to have him over the edge. “I'm going to come” he says softly and with one, two last thrusts, he does. He leans against James and after he's come back from his white bliss, he realises it must be quite uncomfortable for his student, being pressed between a cold desk under him and a dead weight lying above him.

 

Niki takes the condom off, throws it in the bin and sits down in his chair, panting. When James turns back to look at him, he's grinning. And hard. Again.

 

“That was fucking brilliant.” smiles James as his hand slowly strokes his cock. Niki is looking at him with wide eyes.

 

“I absolutely can't go again right now”

 

“It's OK. You can watch me if you like” says James like it's the most natural thing in the world and not like he just offers Niki to wank for him. Niki can't believe his eyes as James starts to work his cock slowly, and biting his lower lip to muffle his moans.

 

“If you want to show off, at least let me hear you” smirks Niki. And James does just so, sitting in the second chair of the office, facing Niki. He lets go of everything, only focussed on his pleasure and Niki's.

 

Niki can see every detail of James' face, so open for him, every gasp, moan, whimper, everytime James' eyes roll, how his hand move, fast and then slow and fast and slow as James tries desperately to last longer. And then James is moaning Niki's name, it's cheesy as hell but it wakes Niki up from the sort of trance the sight of James put him in. He stands up awkwardly, still shaken by his orgasm. James doesn't register his movement, far too gone in his own pleasure but the feel of a weigh on his lap and another hand on him makes him open his eyes. Niki is amazed to see how his pupils are blown and discards the thought that last time he saw those eyes, James was high. “I want to see you” Niki explains and James is kissing him clumsily, the angle is awkward but it doesn't matter; in this kiss, they confess everything they can't say out loud. James moves Niki's hand aside and finishes himself off, his eyes never leaving Niki's as he mouths _for you_. Niki closes his eyes and buries his head in James' shoulder while breathing deeply. He doesn't want James to see him cry.


	5. Friday, October 18th - Monday, October 21th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This week-end. Tonight. You can come to mine, stay for the week-end. If you have nothing else to do, that is. My... Marlene will not be here until Sunday evening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, I'm going to stop trying to keep up with deadlines cause obviously right now I can't. Sorry.  
> Also, I kinda notices that the number of fanfictions is quickly decreasing and it's a bit sad I think.  
> Anyway, here you go. There will be one chapter after this one for this story.

 

 Chapter 5 : Friday, October 18th - Monday, October 21th

_Let's waste time_  
 _Chasing cars_  
 _Around our heads_

 ***

 

The next time they see each other, it's Friday morning, maths class. James is hungover of course, Niki is exhausted and they haven't discussed the event of Tuesday yet. Not like there's much to discuss of course, they wanted to have sex, they had sex, they went back home. No, there is nothing to say about the past. The future however... Niki has a thousand questions about the exact nature of their relationship – Niki needs precision to avoid misunderstandings and to know what to expect – and above all: when will it happen again? And can he manage to not sound like a lovestruck teenager when James' around?

 

If Niki has trouble concentrating that morning, nobody comments on it.

 

***

 

For James however, the class is torture. To have to sit here, in front of Niki and have to act like nothing happened, to be so close yet so far, unable to kiss, to bite, to caress, to touch... There are so many things he wants to do, to say, but the desk and the students between them seem like an impassable barrier.

 

James' head is burning like hell with the remainder of last night party (maybe he shouldn't have taken that shot of tequila after breakfast), and even in his best state of mind he can't be bother to pay attention to the class. So instead, he pays attention to Niki and the way he frowns when a student makes a stupid comment, the way his fingers stroke his chalk stick when he's bored, the way he slightly blushes each time he notices James looking intently at him. James reckons he will never get bored of watching Niki but now, quickly his thoughts drift to the last time he was alone with Niki. James can clearly remember what Niki looks like naked, how his cock twitched when James bite his neck, the way he looked at James, like he was the most important thing in the world...

 

And of course, James loses control of his trail of thoughts and quickly starts to plan what he's going to do to Niki next time, how he'd like to see Niki's lips around his cock, how he'd love to have Niki inside him once more, how good it would feel to just lay somewhere with Niki, doing nothing but kissing and talking. But right now, with his brain blurred with vapours of alcohol, all he can think of is Niki sucking him off, and well of course, before he has time to realise it, he's hard. He adjusts in his pants and when he looks up, Niki is smirking at him from his desk with an air of triumph, and half the class is giggling. Either he wasn't very discreet about his fantasies or Niki must have called his name and he didn't answer. In both cases, he's screwed. James flashes a bright smile at Niki with a knowing look down to his groin, which, gratefully makes Niki blush. The moment is gone after that and Niki starts speaking maths again.

 

At the end of the hour, James tells Ronnie he'll meet him in the parking lot in a few minutes, waits for everyone to leave the room and goes to Niki's desk.

 

“Interesting class.” He says, smiling, and sits on the edge of the desk.

 

“You seemed very... attentive.” Niki answers, as he packs his thing, imperturbable.

 

“I was thinking of a very sexy person to whom I wanted to do very nasty things.”

 

Niki stops in his movement. “Do you ever think of anything else?”

“It happens, from time to time. Not much. Besides, you spent the hour undressing me with your eyes, don't give me a moral lesson.”

 

“I was not.”

 

“Do you want me to prove it?” Niki looks at him with a perplex glance, until James makes his intention very clear by cupping Niki's cheek and leaning toward him. Thinking he was going to be kissed, Niki smiles and opens his lips to welcome James', but James goes for his ear instead, and as his right hand goes down to grab Niki's groin, he whispers “You've been half-hard thinking of what we did Tuesday since I entered the room. Don't bother denying it.” Niki pushes him away but, indeed, doesn't bother to deny the obvious truth.

 

“Get off of me. Anyone could see us.”

 

“You were going to kiss me and now you're telling me I can't even not-kiss you?”

 

“Look, if you're going to be an arse, you can as well leave.”

 

“Don't take the piss. If you want I can close the door and we can make good use of that hard-on.”

 

Niki takes a deep breath. “Not now.”

 

“When then?”

 

“This week-end. Tonight. You can come to mine, stay for the week-end. If you have nothing else to do, that is. My... Marlene will not be here until Sunday evening.”

 

James doesn't react immediately, and Niki thinks for a moment that he's going to reject his offer. “You don't seem keen on coming. Look if it's about the last time you came...”

 

“No, it's not that, I thought you were going to tell me she wanted to mess around with us... But yeah, just you and me, that will do.” says finally James with the biggest, proudest smile Niki has ever seen.

 

“Fuck off arschhole. You don't touch her. I don't have to tell you where I live, I guess, so I'll see you tonight.”

 

“Mmh, eager to see me, are you? I'll be there.”

 

“If you're drunk or high or not alone, don't bother”

 

“I'll see what I can do. Now, give me a kiss?”

 

“Get out.”

 

***

 

James manages surprisingly to indeed be alone and not high. And, well, two or three drinks hardly count. He's quite glad for the invitation, at least because Ronnie has just kicked him out for the thousandth times, swearing he will not see him until James finds what it is he wants to do with his life or at least manage to find a job. They have had this argument many times, but Ronnie welcomes him back, always, after a few days.

He takes the bus with a bag filled with all his belonging, 3 t shirts he stole in various people's wardrobe, his car keys and wallet, and an old copy of _The Catcher in the Rye_ his father gave him a few weeks before he kicked him out. James wonders what is it with all these people kicking him out of their houses.

 

***

 

“Do you want anything to eat?” Niki asks once James has entered his flat and taken his time to look around him.

 

“Like food?”

 

“Yes? What else would you eat?” Niki asks, puzzled.

 

James drops his bag on the floor, reaches for Niki's mouth and presses him against the nearby wall of the flat He pushes a leg between Niki's and rubs it against his groan. He leaves a trail of wet kisses on Niki's mouth, jaw, neck.

 

“You,” James whispers “I want to eat you.” He busies his lips with Niki's, more slowly this time, taking his time to basically ravish the brunet elder with his mouth. While kissing thoroughly Niki, James' fingers play with Niki's curls.

 

They somehow make it to Niki's room after bumping in a few piece of furnitures and kicking a lamp (“I didn't like it anyway” Niki had said while unbuttoning James' trousers).

 

“Aren't you going to show me around first?” chuckles James while Niki straddles him on the bed.

 

“This is my room, I don't think you need to see anything else.”

 

“Mmh, think you can keep me here and interested for the whole week-end?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Modest with that.”

 

“Some stupid teenager once told me that Modesty is useless. I'm just being realistic.”

 

“Oh fuck you.”

 

“Yes, I hope you'll do just that.” answers Niki before encircling James' cock with his right hand. James doesn't respond, except if a low moan can be counted as an answer.

 

“Damn your fingers are cold” pants Niki as James' right hand hangs onto his neck. James' mouth is on Niki's left nipple and Niki finds it very hard to manage coherent thoughts, less coherent sentences.

 

“I know a place where they could get warmer” murmurs James as he slides his hand from Niki's back to his buttocks.

 

“Does it have something to do with my arse?” asks Niki with a smile. He raises his legs slightly to give James' a better access, for which he is thanked by a wet kiss.

 

“Ah, you've always been the clever one.” They're kissing again and again, tongues dancing together perfectly and Niki remembers the first time he kissed James, in the corridor just a few meters from here. How things have changed. For the best, he hopes. At the moment James is introducing a third finger in his arse, feeling around for his prostate. When he eventually finds it, Niki's vision goes white for a moment, and definitely, yes, he reckons things have changed for the best.

 

***

 

They indeed spend most of the week-end in bed, only leaving it for quick showers – more often that not, they would both be in the shower and it would ends up not that quick after all – or to eat. They would have sex on the bed, on the coach, one memorable time against the kitchen table (Niki will never be able to eat breakfast without blushing) and then kiss lazily for minutes until James would want to do it all again. Niki would complain but can never reject James for a long time. When Niki is too tired – he was always the one who got tired first – he would watch James wanks for him, enjoying the show so much, he would most of the time end ups joining James, whether he wanted it or not in the first place. Yes, that's how hot it is to have one James Hunt touching himself in your bed, just for you, moaning like he's doing it for the first time, biting fiercely his lower lip while looking directly in your eyes.

 

***

 

“How did you know back then? My name I mean. That first day. You called me and grumble like you always do and we hadn't met yet and you knew my name” asks James at one point during the first night. Niki looks uncomfortable but after a moment mutters “You were the only one handsome and charismatic enough to have half the class begging to have sex with you ten minutes after you've arrived.”

 

“Is this a compliment? Are you sick Niki Lauda? Have you just admitted having a crush on me mere seconds after you saw me the first time?”

 

“Shut up. Don't say another word. Put your dirty mouth to better use.” James smiles knowingly, disappears under the cover, and indeed, stays silent until Niki climax in his mouth.

 

***

 

“Don't leave marks”

 

“Ah too late. Now everyone will know you've been doing nasty things with your favourite student. My, my, I want to scratch my nails and write my name all over your body.” Niki shivers. “You want it too, don't you? Hm, you'd like that, eh? You'd have my marks all over your body, hidden under your precious suit and nobody would know but you what you've been up to.”

 

“Don't you ever stop talking?”

 

“Make me.”

 

***

 

Marlene comes back sooner than expected. She's here on Sunday morning and Niki doesn't hear her coming until she shouts “Honey, why is there a naked man in our living room?”

 

“Real question is, why am I the only one naked here?” answers James, not bothered at all by the fact that his lover's wife has just found him naked in his lover's flat.

 

Still in his room, Niki swears silently, puts some clothes on quickly but knows he won't be able to hide all the hickeys all over his body. He leaves his room to join Marlene and James chatting in the kitchen like it's the most normal thing in the world.

 

“Hi darling.” She kisses a mortified Niki on the cheek. “Trip cancelled, horrible weather. I stayed at Ginny's for the week-end but decided to go home sooner to surprise you. I would never have guessed you would be the one with the surprise! So what do we do with the naked Apollo here?”

 

“James, get dressed for fuck's sake” snarls Niki. James pouts and leaves the room. “Look I can explain, let me fix this...”

 

“I'm listening” smiles Marlene. This is unexpected. She was supposed to shout and cry, not calmly wait for his unprepared explanations.

 

“He's... he's nobody. I don't care about him, I promise, I love you, only you but he's ah...” Niki has no idea where he is going with this, but he is thankfully interrupted by James' calling him.

 

“Niki, do you happen to know where are my pants?” James shouts from the bedroom. “Look under the bed” answers automatically Niki, not thinking about how domestic they sound.

 

“You like him?” Marlene asks, and Niki's attention goes back to her and to the problem here; can he keep Marlene AND James AND his job?

 

“No I don't even like him, I swear, that's the thing... I don't like him and he doesn't like me, but there's something, I can't explain, we're like, like magnets always pulling toward each other, attracted and yet opposed... I know I'm not making any sense... Look, don't you want to rest a little while I take care of everything and we can have a real conversation after he's left?”

 

“No let him rest, he seems to be quite tired. You too, by the way, I guess you didn't get to sleep much... I'm going to have a bath, it'd be nice if you cooked something for us 3 for the lunch, and we can sort it all out, yes?”

 

She leaves the kitchen, doesn't look at him. She picks up her bag and goes to the bathroom. Niki collapses on a nearby kitchen chair. This was not supposed to happen. How did it happen anyway? She wasn't supposed to go home early, she wasn't supposed to see James like this, to see James at all. But then, in the first place, Niki wasn't supposed to cheat on her with a student. He can fix this, he can fix this, if only he could _think_.

 

“Hey Niki, do you think I could grab a cup of coffee?” Niki doesn't answer, and when James shakes his shoulder slightly, Niki looks at him with disgust and moves away from James' touch.

 

“Get out.” Niki's tone is sharp, cold. The only answer he receives is the noise of the door closing.

 

***

 

The next time he sees James, it's in one of the university's many corridors, a day after Marlene has kicked him out. He's staying at a crappy hotel, and feels like shit.

 

The next time he sees James, the man is kissing, no snogging, Suzy Miller against a locker. One of his hand has gone under her shirt.

 

The next time he touches James, it's mere minutes after he saw him with Suzy, with a punch that goes straight to James' face.

 

It feels awful and divine and Niki isn't sure who he hates the most; James or himself.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6 : Monday, October 21th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blood and angst and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand this is over. I want to thank every single one of you, for the comments (you have no idea how grateful I am for of all you lovely people), kudos, or just if you read and didn't puke after.

 

Chapter 6 : Monday, October 21th

 

  
_I need your grace_   
_To remind me_   
_To find my own_

***

 

After the punch, time stops for Niki. People around him move in slow motion, Suzy looking at him with horror, a hand over her mouth, students around him rushing to see if James is alright, teachers and the dean pulling on his arm, trying to get him to react, to talk. He can't talk, won't talk. Everything around him is grey and he doesn't pay attention to what's going on around him, doesn't hear the cries and brusque movements when James, his lips broken and bleeding abundantly, walks towards him and punches him on the jaw. Hard. Niki falls on the floor, eyes closed.

 

 

***

 

“ _You're in love with him aren't you?”_

 

“ _I'm not. I love you, you know that.”_

 

“ _You love me, but you're in love with him.”_

 

“ _Isn't that the same thing?”_

 

_A tear rolls down Marlene's face. “Think of what you feel when you see me and what you feel when you see him”. They're silent for a moment but she can see he understands what she means._

 

“ _You need to leave Niki. Now. Pick up your stuff. It shouldn't take you much time. You never liked this flat anyway. It was never really yours. And I guess you were never really mine”_

 

_He nods. There's nothing to add. It's all over._

 

 

_***_

 

When he regains consciousness, he's lying on an uncomfortable bed and he can hear voices mumbling words he doesn't understand. Must be in the infirmary. Niki blinks.

 

“Oh, look, he's awake, now you can ask him.” Niki recognizes James' angry tone. Obviously, he's heard it many times before, though usually he doesn't sound that bitter. James has never hold any grudges against him, despite all the time he fucked up. James has the intelligence to forgive all the time Niki's told him to fuck off, all the time Niki's pushed him away. All those times, James got angry and came back laughing like nothing happened. Like Niki was worth it no matter how much of a jerk he was. Niki sees that now. James has always been the good one between the two of them, despite being younger, more immature, despite his never ending love for parties, drugs, sex. He had let go of all of that when he was with Niki. Yes, James is truly the good one, and maybe this time Niki fucked up for real. First Marlene, now James.

 

“Mr Lauda? Can you explain to us why you punched that student?” The dean is talking calmly, but Niki knows he's not going to get out of here without troubles.

 

“No.” mumbles Niki. He doesn't look at James but he can feel James glaring at him. He sits on the edge of the bed and touches his jaw lightly. It hurts.

 

“No? Is that all? You beat up a student and you can't explain why? Because Mr Hunt here won't explain it to me either, apart from “he's a fucking rat”. Is there something going on between the two of you that I should be aware of?”

 

“Nothing that concerns you. Can I leave now? I have a class starting in ten minutes.”

 

“Mr Lauda. I don't think you understand exactly what's going on here. What you have done is very serious. You can't think I'm going to let you keep teaching after that, can you?”

 

“I need the money. You need me, I'm the best you can have. You can't fire me.”

 

“I can and I have. When you leave this building will be the last time you ever set foot in a school, I'll make sure of that. The same goes for you Mr Hunt. You're not welcome in this university anymore. We can't accept violence here, especially unjustified. Our reputation...”

 

“Fine. Don't bother. Let me pack my stuff, I'll be gone in ten minutes.” cuts Niki.

 

“Your stuff is waiting for you outside the infirmary. A subtitute teacher has already been appointed. I have some respect for you so I'll try to sweep it al under the rug and if we all act nice, this won't have to go to the police, yes?”

 

“The only respect you had for me was because my students have better grades. Don't bother playing the good guy, we all know you don't care about anything apart from the money you're making and the reputation of your school.” He stands up and bites his lips; his legs are shaking and talking that much has made his jaw hurts like hell. He manages to articulate two last words before leaving the room. “ _Fuck you_.” He makes eye contact with James on his way out. The boy holds a pack of ice against his lips. Niki wonders idly if this is the last they'll see of each other.

 

First Marlene, then James, now his job. What is left?

 

 

***

 

_He doesn't feel sad when he closes the door for the last time. He doesn't turn back. He doesn't feel sad, he just feels empty. He tries to think of it as a new beginning but really life feels like a dead-end right now. By the time he's in the street with his leather suitcase, he has already forgotten the colour of the paperwalls._

 

 

***

 

He opens the door of his car gently, sits in the seat with a sigh but doesn't start the Fiat just yet. He burries his head in his hands. How has he lost control of his life so fast? In two weeks, everything has gone to hell. He has lost his job, his wife, his flat. Weird thing is, he doesn't regret any of it. He has had more fun in those weeks that he has in his lifetime. And well, at least, he still has his car. He starts it. Time to move on.

 

 

***

 

_He calls her from his hotel room to ask her if she wants a divorce. She sighs and stays silent for a long time before asking “How long has it been going on with him? How long have you taken me for a fucking idiot?” It's the first Niki hears her swear._

 

“ _Two weeks. But I never meant to hurt you, you must know that.”_

 

“ _Weird because usually, everything you do is always carefully planned, you never take too much risk. This is not you Niki, he is messing with your head. You aren't even gay, Niki. You haven't been in your right state of mind. If you could forget about him, maybe we could...”_

“ _No Marlene. I cannot forget about him. And you're wrong, he hasn't changed me, he has just... awaken me. When I'm with him, I feel real, and I know that I'm not making any sense, but it's how I feel. It would be unfair for you if I stayed. I've already hurt you too much. And it's nothing to do with being gay or not. I just... It's just him.”_

 

“ _See Niki, you've just told me more words right now that you've told me this whole month. I see. There's nothing to do then. I'll call my lawyer. I hope you and he are very happy together.” She hangs up._

 

_Niki doubts it very much._

 

***

 

Niki doesn't think, just starts the car and drives. He drives until he's out of petrol, until his hands stop shaking. Only then, he goes back at his hotel and stops at the bar to buy a bottle of scotch. He opens it and takes a large gulp while climbing the stairs. He enters his room, closes the door, doesn't look at the ugly furniture. He just sits on the purple sofa, and drinks. He barely registers the hand that takes the bottle away from his grip a few hours later. Doesn't see that same hand bringing the bottle to a pair of red, swollen, lips. Doesn't ear the “hum” of pleasure James makes when the rich flavour of scotch hits his tongue.

 

Niki fights a little when James carries him to his bed but calms down immediately when James sits beside him and pets gently his hair.

 

Niki doesn't dream that night. When he wakes up his head is exploding and he has no idea how he got here. The light hurts his eyes, the silence is deafening and that _smell, what is this smell_... Cigarette smoke. _James is here_.

 

And indeed the blond is sitting on the edge of the window, smoking. He smiles slightly at the sight of Niki entering the room but even hungover Niki can see that he doesn't look really happy to see him. He can also see the bruise, his bruise, above James' lips.

 

“What..?”

 

“I put you to bed. You're heavier than you look.”

 

“Fuck you. Did we...?”

 

“Sex? No, usually I prefer sex when my partners are able to appreciate it or at least to remember it. But yeah, you were totally hot for me.”

 

Niki chooses to ignore the last part of the sentence and starts making coffee. “How did you even get here anyway? Did you follow me? Or ask another pretty secretary to tell you where I live?” James shrugs with a small smile and Niki takes that as “a bit of both”

 

After a moment of nervous silence, James says “Don't start pitying yourself Niki. This college was shit anyway.”

 

“Listen, James...”

 

“No, you listen for once. You're always talking, always thinking like you're the only one in this and that you can do whatever you want, take me and then throw me away like it's just a game to you. All my life everything's been a game to me too, I can admit that, seducing people, getting people to lend me money, to find me a job, to help me cheat at finals. All a game, all so easy. You... I thought you were a game at the beginning. How long will it take me to get the cold teacher to fall for me? But I know now, it's never been a game. Like racing. It's not a game, it's my life. Everything else was so dull before I got into a car, then it was perfect, but then everything remained dull when I'm not in the car. Until I met you. You understand what I'm saying?”

 

“James, I don't think...”

 

“I'm not done. I understand you punched me because I was with Suzy, but I didn't tell them that; they wouldn't understand why you got upset by two students kissing. You had no rights to punch me, you have no rights to control my life. And it's not like I'm keeping things from you. I've been honest from the beginning about how I felt and what I wanted and we never talked about faithfulness, hell, we never even talked about what we were.” James pauses to take a deep breath. “Now tell me, how is it OK for you to fuck and love your wife while I'm... I'm what, Niki? I'm supposed to wait for you to call me after you're done with her or when she's away? Is it fair? You have no right to be angry with me. Just because you're older or a teacher doesn't mean you can despise me and think I'm going to be your bitch and there only when you want to. I have feelings too, things I want to do, my life is not over like yours.”

 

“Don't talk to me about things you want to do or how you have a bright future. You have no diplomas or qualifications or connections or interests. How are you doing better than me exactly?” Niki answers without thinking. His blood is boiling in his veins. He knows James is right, of course, but acknowledging it doesn't make it easier to hear.

 

“We're both fucked up yeah?” James lights another cigarette and Niki doesn't bother to tell him not to smoke in the flat. _Fuck the rules_. He steals James' cigarette from his lips and takes a long drag. James doesn't seem bother by the theft, even laughs when Niki coughs lightly.

 

“Maybe we can be fucked up together, then.” Niki says after a moment of silence. James massages his swollen lips and tells him, laughing, and Niki has never been more glad to hear someone laughing, “You know if you like it rough, you could have just told me.”

 

 

***

 

Much later, they're laying in bed together, naked, sweaty and breathless.

 

“Sometimes I wonder if you even care about me.” says James. He's laying on his side. Niki's body, pressed against his back is radiating heat. Niki would also very much like James to stop talking so he can get some sleep before the sun rises. James turns around, leaves Niki's embrace to look at him in the eyes (which is kind of a failure since Niki's eyes are closed). His right hand goes to Niki's hip, drawing random patterns with his finger tips on the white skin displayed here.

 

“Stop wondering. I don't” mumbles Niki.

 

“I knew it” smiles James. He is kissing lightly his lover's lips and Niki eventually opens his eyes, a bit annoyed and a bit turned-on as well. James thinks he can maybe make Niki come once again before definitely going to sleep.

 

“What?”

 

“You're doing that thing. With your nose. When you're lying.”

 

“I do no such thing, what are you even talking about?” Niki is looking at James with a puzzled face. James knows Niki hates not understanding and right now, he's just _so_ cute.

 

“I'm not telling, that would ruin everything.”

 

“I hate you” pouts Niki.

 

“Oh my God your nose, you're doing it again!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the end was not a disappointment. See you soon <3 !

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, see you soon !


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